I’m a killer. I kill people for money, but you are my friend. I KILL YOU FOR FREE!!
Jokes
Jokes
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
Fact was that Mashiach was gonna come from Crown Heights no matter what… Either a Lubavitcher or a Shvartza!
Seen on a sign held up by a homeless man in Manhattan: ”Obama is not the only black who needs change”.
Wife to Husband: ‘Last night I dreamed of you buying me a diamond necklace’. Husband: ‘Tonight, go to sleep and enjoy it’.
During the first depression the president promised to put chicken in everyone’s pot. Obama promises to put pot in everyone’s chicken.
A Willamsburg Yungerman said ”If Obama wins, I will move to Monsey, I don’t won’t to live in America any more”.
Dear bank, one of my checks were returned to me ‘insufficient funds’ in view of current developments, does that refer to me or to you?
A Rosh Yeshiva asks for a Nedova: Gvir: Sorry, I lost $81 million in the stock market this week. Rosh Yeshiva: REALLY!? and last year’s excuse was that you didn’t have a penny!
Besides the bomb they strap to their chest, do you have any idea what makes these Palestinians tick?
Shidduchim is like finding a parking space: The good ones are always taken. The rest are handicapped. But if you are Sefardi, you can always double park.
When the Lubavitcher Rebbe died, R’ Yankel Miller lifted his hands to Shamayim and said “Ribono Shel Olam we sent you our Moshiach now please send us yours”.
Lady: So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don’t see any other way to marry your daughter.
Obama heard on news that a Brazilian man was killed in the line of duty in Iraq. He turned to his wife and said “how much is a Brazilon?”
Two cannibals are sitting on a log. One of them sighs “I hate my Shviger, he complains. “Then try the potatoes,” says the other.
What is the difference between someone in Lakewood and someone in the ICU? In Lakewood you are in the freezer waiting for life support. In the ICU you are on life support waiting for the freezer.
Father hitting his wild son, says: I am only hitting you because I love you! Son: I wish I can show you how much I love you too…
I used to take into the bathroom with me Der Yid, then I started to take in the Mishpacha, and now I take in “Kol Haoilum Kulo”.
You can now buy Artscroll Gemara in polish/ If you don’t have time to learn with your kid, your goyta can.