Husband: I’ll admit I’m wrong if you’ll admit I’m right. Wife: I agree, you go first. Husband: Ok… I’m wrong. Wife: Your right!
Jokes
Jokes
What does the Mitzva of Kibud Av V’aim have in common with drinking beer? The reward for both is langa urine…
A guy filed a lawsuit against Kupat Ha’ir alleging he paid for prayers 40 days at Kever Rochel and it turns out she wasn’t even there – she was in Gaza.
3 Rosh Yeshivas were at a Chasuna. One got Sidur Kidushen, the second got Brocha Achrita, and the third got a heart attack!
I just returned from a visit to the Doctor. He told me I have obsessive, compulsive, compulsive, compulsive, compulsive, disorder.
Wife: The kids are so smart they must have gotten their brain from me. Husband: It must be, ’cause I still have mine’.
How do we know Eisav was a Rebbe? 1. He ate with his hands. 2. He Wore a fur coat. 3. He Couldn’t wait for his father to die. 4. He sent 400 Chassidim to kill his brother!
I begged my wife that she shouldn’t buy anything for my birthday, and she still didn’t buy anything.
Customer: May I try on that dress in the window? Clerk: No ma’am, you’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else…
The economy in America is so bad that they can’t afford a White President, so they took a cheaper brand…
Why does the Mittah of a Mes have only 2 poles, while a Chuppah has 4? Because by a Levayah you bury one person, and by the Chuppah you bury 2!
Marriage means that someone helps you coping with all the problems you never had when you were a Bocher.
What should you do if you’re in an elevator with a tiger, a lion, a lawyer, and a gun with 2 bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he’s dead.
Why did the Chelmer get so excited after he finished a puzzle after 6 months? Because on the box it said: For 2-4 years.
Whats the difference between Yoshke, and a picture of him? It only takes one nail to hang the picture…
Man to Wife: “If one time my life will depend on machine, don’t let me suffer, just pull the plug.” His wife stands up and unplugs the computer.
Get headaches when you are home? Follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: TAKE 2 ASPIRIN AND KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
Yankel Miller ordered a cup of Prune juice at the restaurant. Waiter asks: To go? Yankel MIller: NON OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
Family are like slippers! You feel comfortable with them at home, and you are ashamed to go out with them in the street.
A man sat down and was seriously staring at his marriage certificate. Lady: “What are you looking for”? Man: “The expiration date.”