Jokes

Jokes

July 14, 2009

Why are they called a Tuna Beigel? Because on the outside it looks nice & geshmak, but on the inside its very fishy.

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July 14, 2009

What’s the differnce between a mother-in-law and an elephant? About 50 pounds…

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July 14, 2009

Lakewood bumper sticker: HONK IF ANYTHING FALLS OFF

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July 14, 2009

Lakewooders are like an old Buick. They make a lot of noise, smoke a lot, & don’t work!

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May 25, 2009

Why did the Brisker eat Koraich twice? One for Zaycher Limikdash K’Hillel & once for Zecher!

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May 25, 2009

A lot of people nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.

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May 25, 2009

Whats the hardest part about eating a tuna beigel? The cell phone!

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May 25, 2009

The day Chrysler makes something that doesnt suck will probably be the day they start making vacuum cleaners!

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May 25, 2009

What’s the one Mitzvas Aseh Sh’zman Grama that ladies are Mechuyav? Chinese auctions!

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May 20, 2009

Why in Kollel is it called “seder”? Because you sit Ongelient, you drink 4 Koises (of coffee) and you finish before Chatzos!

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May 20, 2009

After much research, historians now believe that the “The Dark Ages” were caused by the Y1K problem.

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April 25, 2009

The richest lady in history was Basya. She went to the banks of the water and picked up the biggest profit.

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April 25, 2009

I saw the first sign of spring. Two Chassidishe guys were carrying their heaters back to Walmart…

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April 25, 2009

My wife’s cooking melts in my mouth. Of course I wish she would defrost it first!

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April 25, 2009

What do women and police cars have in common? Both make a lot of noise when you do something wrong.

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April 14, 2009

Aveilus during Sfira: Lechatchila: No concerts. Mehadrin: No music at all. Mehadrin Min HaMihadrin: Listen to Acapella.

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April 14, 2009

They say that if you say Birchas Hachamah a few times, its a Segula for a long life.

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April 14, 2009

For $1,000 Kupat Hair will give you the same sunshine that R’ Chaim Kanivesky said Birchas HaChama on.

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April 14, 2009

If you donate a substantial sum of money to the Qupat Hajir branch in Gaza they will send a Mullah to blow himself up at the Kosel, Kever Rochel, or any other Mokom Kodosh of your choosing!

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April 14, 2009

How come Israelis don’t make a Bracha on cigarettes? Because they are too young.

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April 14, 2009

In London, the Oilam got up for Kidush Hachama is was cloudy so they went back to sleep for 28 years!

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April 14, 2009

A father said to his son: “If you do not behave, I won’t take you to Birchas Hachamah! The Son answered: “If you don’t take me this time – I won’t take you to the next Birchars Hachamah!

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April 14, 2009

I was looking to go on Chol Hamoed to a place with the least Yidden. So far the Beis Medresh is the #1 place!

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April 14, 2009

I asked a Satmar kid who built the Kosel? Kid: I dunno, but whoever it is, he is NEVER coming out of Gehenom!

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March 17, 2009

You might be Yeshivish, if every time you fill the gas tank, your car doubles in value!

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March 17, 2009

The only time a Yeshiva Bochur’s bed is made is when it’s in the factory!

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March 17, 2009

Wife: There is a Parshas Zocher but what about a Parshas Nekeiva? Husband: That we also have, its called Parshas Para!

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March 17, 2009

A guy was looking for his lost wallet. His brother found it. Now he’s looking for his brother.

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March 17, 2009

A shvigger is like snow it comes for a day and leaves damage for a week!

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March 17, 2009

In my house eveything goes with “money orders”- I give the money, and my wife gives the orders!

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